Have you recently met a lovely guy who is a farmer but your friends and family are warning you about how tough it can be dating a farmer. Or maybe you’ve always been interested in a rural farming lifestyle and are on the look out for that cute farmer to whisk you away from the city life.
If you’ve never dated a farmer or haven’t grow up in a farming family or community, you may be in for a bit of shock. Farming is not just a job, it’s a complete lifestyle and if you end up marrying a farmer it will become a big part of your life too.
It’s good that you want to learn more about what it’s really like, and being prepared for the good and the not so great. Let’s start with a bit of a reality check.
What it’s really like dating a farmer
Texting and calling isn’t easy, so don’t expect immediate replies to any messages that you send or for them to always answer. They will be busy working, often from morning to dusk, and may even not be able to get cell reception.
It can be hard to make plans, and each day is unpredictable. Things are always happening on a farm, and often there is no choice but to immediately deal with problems when they arise. Your farmer may be wanting to meet you for that date, but if there is a cow in labor, a vital piece of equipment has broken, or a fence has come down, they can’t just ignore it till the next day.
Simple things like setting a time for dinner or making weekend plans often fall apart quickly as unexpected things pop up. Be prepared for last minute decisions on what to do and expect to go with the flow often.
During harvest season or other busy times like lambing season, even if you live close to each other, you may feel like you are in long distance relationship as he will struggle to find the time to see you.
If plans regularly change, you may need to find creative ways to still spend quality time together. Adjust the location or the time, or even offer to help if you can – got to try tractor rides at some point, right? He will appreciate your understanding and flexibility, as these types of situations will be a common occurrence if the relationship becomes serious.
You might also consider bringing food to him, just ensure it is something that is easy to eat while on the move, whether thats driving the combine or mending a fence. Embrace your part time lunch lady role, especially if your farmer is part of a team. Good food and even a beer at the end of the day will never be turned down.
They are going to want to show off their latest purchase, whether that’s a new animal or a piece of farming machinery. Boys like their new toys and being able to show them off, and it’s no different with your farm boy. Share in their excitement and joy, even if you don’t quite understand.
Although you may not get involved in every aspect, they want your understanding and support for what they do. For a farmer, being happy to get your hands dirty and pitch in when needed is important, and they will love you for this.
Make the effort to at least understand the type of work he does, whether that is getting out there with him tractor driving or planting. It’s also a good way to spend more time together, plus you will have a better understanding of what goes on and can be included in farm life conversations.
Like with any job, there is going to be a whole range of farming lingo and acronyms you will need to learn to keep up within his world.
Often used as small talk conversation starter, weather is a key discussion point for farmers. Life on the farm hinges around what the weather is doing as it often makes or breaks a farmers success. Trying to predict if there will be enough rain, or too much, what the temperature is going to be, and what possible natural disasters might be on the horizon that need to be prepared for.
Farming is all about family. It is usually a generational endeavour, so when you date a farmer you are also becoming involved with their whole family. He may live in the family home with his parents, and other relatives may work on the farm as well.
The unexpected benefits of a farmer boyfriend
Farmers are salt of the earth people. They know where their food comes from and the work that goes into producing a meal. If they are a crop producing farmer, who has a range of fresh food to pick and cook with, you may even end up eating better than you ever have in your life. If you do manage to make it out for a date night, it doesn’t need to be fancy – a good steak will never set you wrong.
As things are always breaking and needing to be repaired, a farmer is good with their hands and knows how to fix things. No more having to call out a handyman, your farmer will have you covered for just about anything.
They also have a good work ethic, and working hard doesn’t scare them. They often live by the mantra ‘If a job isn’t done properly, it isn’t worth doing at all’.
Not only are they fit and strong, farmers are also smart. They are essentially running their own business, balancing finances, planning for all situations, and knowing the ins and outs of everything that goes on at the farm. Also, as farming becomes more technical, many farmers are now completing college education in agricultural fields to keep up with the latest technology and best practices.
If you want to settle and put down roots, your farmer already has good fashioned family values, and knows how to show commitment even when things get tough. They also often place importance on having children as farming is in the family blood.
Farms are a great place to raise a family, plus they will grow up as part of a unique family history, and their childhood will be filled with limitless fresh air and wide open spaces to run free.
The downsides of being in a relationship with a farmer
On top of the normal difficulties any relationship faces, you will have many that are specifically farming related.
Depending on what type of farmer they are, and whether it’s a family business farm or one with a number of employees, their availability is often going to be limited during certain times of the year.
Some farmers might have a multitude of different crops or even a combination of animals and crops to manage. Each has their own requirements and timings for when things like crops need to be planted or harvested, or when it’s calving time.
Depending on what they do, some farmers have a bit more flexibility time wise throughout the year, while others like dairy farmers are lucky if they can get away from 24hours at a time.
During busy times like harvest season, it might even seem like you are being neglected, and in comparison to other relationships, you just might be! But it doesn’t mean you aren’t important. The farm is the priority, especially during busy times or when things go wrong, as his livelihood depends on it and he has to deal with whatever comes up. If you are going to date a farmer, it comes with the territory.
A farmer works hard, and that takes a toll on their body. Expect them to be a little weather beaten, rough hands, dirt regularly under their nails, a few holes in their clothes, and sometimes covered in a whole range of muck.
When they get busy, then expect things like personal hygiene and shaving to go out the window. Honestly, who has time for things like that when there is work to be done? Just remember, when they do finally get a chance to shower and shave, they scrub up quite nicely.
Due to all this hard work, they are often in a constant state of exhaustion. Long days, physically demanding tasks, and rarely being able to take time off. It’s a tough gig all round and can have an impact on their mental health.
Be prepared for early mornings and no late night out partying until the am hours. After working hard all day, your farmer is going to want to crawl into bed for sleep. They also know that they have to get up early the next day and do it all over again, so they’d rather not do that on even less sleep or a hangover!
It can all sound a little full on, but it’s their lifestyle and even with all these things it is still very rewarding, and that’s why they keep getting up each day. It’s important to let them know how proud you are of them, especially during peak season times as your support and understanding will mean the world to them.
Where to meet a farmer?
If you live in a farming community, you will find it easier to meet different farmer, however you may want to be a little picky with who you choose to date, even if its a cute neighbouring farmer. If things go sour, you don’t want that causing issues down the track or even create the latest family feud by accident! Strong farming relationships and being a community player is important, so you don’t want to mess that up.
For a city chick, unless you are lucky to have that magic moment crossing paths when you least expect it, your best chance is to try online dating and using a site like FarmersOnly and be prepared to make some effort to meet (think weekend farm visits) and that communications may be a little haphazard depending on how busy he is.
However, be warned, that if you seem to be chasing a “farm boy” just for the sake of dating a farmer because you think it’s the latest trend, you won’t have much success. Farmers are known for being good at detecting bs and it’s unlikely for things to progress very far.
You might be thinking of trying a farming focused reality dating show, due to their rising popularity, however most farmers have no desire or the time to even consider this as an option!
In all likelihood, a farmer trying to date is going to keep it simple, and would just be hoping to meet people when going about their day doing things like heading to the local farmers market, the feed store, or the local target to pick up everyday essentials. If you see a farmer, just make the effort to talk to them!
Are you ready to be a farmer’s girlfriend?
Before it gets serious, you will really need to contemplate whether the farming lifestyle is for you.
Before getting in too deep, suggest you try dating at least for 12 months, so you can get an idea of what happens and how busy they are through all seasons of the year. You may find that you can handle farmer life or that there is just too much separation and that you feel like you are single.
It has to be noted, if you are someone who doesn’t approve of weapons, is a vegan, or just wants to stay indoors all the time, you will probably have a hard time fitting into the daily life of most farmers.
Also if you take that next step, your life will revolve around the farm no matter what. Be prepared for daily conversations about the weather forecast, balancing finances, and a lack of holidays.
If the rural lifestyle is not for you, it’s good to know earlier on while dating instead of jumping in head first into something serious and finding out later on.
Farmers have a lot of appeal as potential “relationship material”. They are hard working, know how to get things done, loyal, and they are dependable in a crisis.
If you have attracted the attention of a farmer, and you are ready to embrace both the positives and negatives of living on a farm, then you have luckily found a partner for life. They will be committed and appreciative of your love and support, so make sure you hold onto them!